My Dog is Gay

QUICK THOUGHT:  Its pretty easy to wipe away a smile, however its virtually impossible to wipe away a dingle berry.  Could you imagine not being able to wipe away dingle berries because your arms where too short to reach your ass?  Welcome to the T-rex's world.  I bet they had TONS of dingle berries with those tiny ass arms, cuz lets face it, no one was wiping their asses for them, they had sharp teeth.  

On to today's post...

My dog is gay.

Its true. 

"How do you know he's gay" you ask.

Well, fucking other dudes was my first clue. Seriously.

"That doesn't mean anything, dogs are just asserting their dominance" you reply.

True. Some animals, including dogs DO assert their dominance in that way, but that would probably mean both genders where up for grabs, and homie don't play that.  This hasn't been the case, he has chosen his taste to be all male, all the time.  He lives with a female dog and basically ignores her.  

There have been other signs: the fact that his favorite toy is a giant phallic looking pool noodle, he runs around the back yard with that giant blue penis in his mouth, 


Or maybe his love for wine coolers.  One night I spilled my New Castle beer and tried to get him to lap it up, he wouldn't have none of it... but later, in the same evening, someone spilled their berry cooler and he was all over that shit.

"He liked the sugar as opposed to the bitter beer and the rest of that's a horrible attempt at humor" you quip.

Maybe. but remember, he fucks dudes. 

or maybe the fact that his two best friends Boris and Natasha  (my inlaws dogs) LOVE him, but he only wants Boris, and even though Natasha tries to lick that doggy stink star, he won't go near her, she practically throws herself at him every weekend, he just wants Boris's junk, he loves those Russian men.  

He has a harem of women dogs, or as he calls em, his "fag hag" (its ok he's gay, he can say that), yup a lot of chubby bitches (it's ok THEY'RE dogs, thats the proper term) 

He is like that hotty you women see with the nice abs, cute butt, and great car, but you can't turn em....

The most obvious sign, aside from humping bro's....  his affinity for ass-less leather chaps and a riding crop. 

"Riding crop? why didn't you say that in the first place, he IS gay, but seriously a post about it? Do you not accept him? why do you even bring it up" you inquire.

I love my gay dog, and I accept him and I support him.  In fact, we've been thinking about bringing him to the Pride Parade, in his ass-less chaps and a rainbow collar, I, of course, wearing the t-shirt I had made that reads "I ain't gay, but my dog is".  

Moose is free to be himself, our home is a safe zone.

My wife wanted to buy him a gay asian man for his birthday, a gaysian, if you will, but we were worried that "here is 50 bucks, please eat my dog out" would get lost in the translation. 
Could you imagine? us with tears running down our faces eating our dog meat stir fry? 

"b.b.b.b.b.b...but it taste so good... i cant... stop" 

or 

"he... he... he... wu wu wu would have wanted it this way" ... 

Still crying 15 minutes later when we go to taco bell because we're hungry. 

how many stereo-types can I fit into one post? 
Who am I, Daniel Tosh? 
oh wait, i forgot... 

THEY CANT DRIVE.

"Gays or Asians can't drive?" you interrupt. 

Women. 

(touch em all)

"wow Jason, tonight's posting is way different than yesterday's" you said dejectedly as you skip to the next blog, never to read me again. 

Hey kid. I tried, they can't all be winners, I reply, while trying not to make it too obvious that this was an attempt to make you forget yesterday's cheese.